February 8, 2015


So there was a time when the Latin GRAMMYs aired on CBS -- remember those days when the very Latina Jessica Simpson would somehow appear on the Latin GRAMMYs?  Or Gloria Estefan and Jimmy Smitts would host EVERY SINGLE YEAR?  With the 15th Latin show airing last November, it is now totally thriving on Univision.

However, when the Latin GRAMMYs were still CBS, the red carpet arrivals was a whole new ball of (come se dice "WAX"?) for the very Anglo reporters that would stand on the carpet and for 5 hours try to figure out what to ask these very famous people that were not recognizable to the WASPS -- and watch these tremendous artists try so hard to figure out what the hell these slow talking Hollywood people were even asking them...

Well, ever the pro, of course, Joan Rivers had what's called a bug in her ear (a little head phone if you will that a producer in E!'s truck would talk to her through - the sole purpose of that producer was to watch her little monitor and identify as quickly as possible the next artist approaching Joan and tell her who the artist was at least by first name or nomination.  You can only imagine how loud the carpet gets and it was at the height of traffic.  I am standing next to Joan and her crew and up walks Alejandro Sanz (who is not only a fantastic singer and musician but SUPER CALIENTE...EN FUEGO).   So of course i stood there and looked official, said hello to Alejandro (and his wife --DAMN!). Out of the corner of my eye, I think Joan is having a stroke because she's doubled over -- then I realize she's trying to hear what's being said in her ear about this strapping stud about to say hello.  All I can see is the top of Joan's head but it's moving back and forth just like when she talked standing up so you could pretty much figure out exactly what she thought about the quality of information she was getting now.  She stands up (and not a thing moves on her face, seriously...not even the wig...).  I digress...she stands up and she's on:  "Hello AleJandro" (enunciating a hard J), Alejandro, you are so handsome."  AleHandro starts blushing and says "thank you, Ms. Rivers" (I almost made out with him).  Any way, Joan does what appears to be a standing back bend with her right index finger shoved as far into her head as posslble trying to hear what the producer is saying.  Alejandro is standing there like (come se dice, WTF?).

Joan pops back (everything still in place) and says, "Are you excited to be performing with Stephanie
Childs?"  And I look at him, like, did you add someone to your performance last minute?  I saw the rehearsals 400 times and there was no mention of a Stephanie Childs...I looked at him and shrugged my shoulders with that "Saludos, you're on your own!" supportive look.

So he's now sweating and Joan rips the earbud out of her ear and leans whisper/yell at Alejandro, "you gotta tell me a little about this Stephanie Childs because, no offense, I don't know who the F*** this bitch is!"

He looks at her, leans into her Mic and says, "it's very nice." i wanted to give him a big bear hug...a really big bear hug..but anywho, then all of a sudden it hit me -- and suddenly I am Contortion Joan and doubled over doing a horrendous job of trying to pretend I'm tying my shoe or something.  I lean over to Joan and I say two words to her.  She looks at me in total disgust and says, "You gotta be f****** kidding me?!"  Then looks at Hottie Pants: ALEJHANDRO...WHO GIVES A F*** ABOUT STEPHANIE CHILDS LIKE MY NOW FIRED PRODUCER WANTS ME TO TALK ABOUT. LET'S TALK ABOUT HOW YOU'RE PERFORMING WITH DESTINY'S CHILD!!"

Alejandro: "It's very nice!"  I wanted to eat him up...