May 10, 2014

IF ALL GAYS CAN MARRY, WE MIGHT HAVE A REAL ISSUE ON OUR HANDS...

I AM REALLY CONCERNED ABOUT GAYS GETTING MARRIED!

It’s great that Arkansas just declared the State’s ban on same-sex marriage as unconstitutional – as well as all of the states who have declared the same and the states who soon will join, don’t get me wrong. But, I have to be honest…I have real concerns about gays getting married. Specifically, who is going to be producing all of these gay soirees? Hear me out for a moment…

Who we gonna hire? It’s tacky to ask one of your own guests to plan your wedding; and if a gay event planner isn’t invited to your wedding, it’s because he either had rejected you at some point, slept with your fiancĂ© or wants to, stopped talking to you after the night you haven’t been able to fully piece back together or any combination thereof; lesbians would rather prance around in a tiara and stilettos than to have to deal with two medicated gays who think they both could plan a wedding in their sleep and at least one overbearing mother-in-law from back east; straight women will always be on the arm of a closeted or newly single gay…so…yikes…STRAIGHT MEN…HEAR ME ROAR! Purchase a subscription to Martha Stewart (ask your token gay frat brother how to figure out your drag name and use that as your alias), Netflix “My Best Friend’s Wedding” and “The Bird Cage” then prepare yourself because you are going to be the RICHEST and most SEXUALLY HARASSED B**** in town!” Bless your hearts, Ron