July 5, 2013

I'm Recasting the Upcoming "Annie" Movie (I know, enough already, right?) because Cameron Diaz as Miss Hannigan -- Buh Bye!!

Carol Burnett as Miss Hannigan -- genius
Kathy Bates as Miss Hannigan -- genius
Jane Lynch as Miss Hannigan -- Gleenius
Cameron Diaz as Miss Hannigan -- There's Something about Mary Mother & Joseph WHAT THE H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS ARE THEY THINKING?

Before "they" announced that Diaz had been cast in the role of the upcoming remake of the remake of the Broadway show of the Show (I'm dizzy), "they" were talking to Sandra Bullock about the part...FAB-U-LOUS, NO!?  I thought "the sun indeed will come out tomorrow, bet your Bullock dollar!"

Now, please know, I really like Ms. Diaz -- she's actually only one of two celebrities that I've ever met who introduced herself to me as if she were just a regular chica that I'd never heard of before "Hi, I'm Cameron." (And it wasn't in that "I'm going to pretend to be humble and pretend like I don't know you totally know who I am already"...that's happened A LOT of times...but, I realized how tacky it was so I stopped introducing myself that way...anywho...).

But I'll not take the Diaz-as-Hannigan lying down, believe you me!  So, therefore, if I were the casting director for the do-we-really-need-another Annie movie Movie, here's how I'd play it:

Daddy Warbucks:  Mike O'Malley, the amazing actor that plays gay Kurt's dad on "Glee" would be my first choice but we have to sell tickets now, don't we?!  Therefore, without a doubt I would cast Daniel Craig. Yes, you read it correctly, Warbucks, Daddy Warbucks (picture the baby blues, the shiny bald...and check out his singing voice...i love him)


Grace: It's so cliche now, I think, but there really is no one else who could play the elegant Grace today other than the very talented, small (and too skinny...please eat a cracker) Kristen Chenoweth .  And how H-O-T STUNNING would she be doing a little soft shoe with Craig? WASP HEAVEN!!

Rooster (the conniving brother of Miss Hannigan): Neil Patrick Harris ('nuff said).

Lily St. Regis (Rooster's not so smart but totally sassy partner in crime): Smash's Megan Hilty.  I have been fortunate enough to see Megan on Broadway in both Wicked (as "Galinda/Glinda") and 9to5 in the Dolly Parton role.  There ain't nothin' this vocal powerhouse can't do.


Annie:  Lilla Crawford, the current "Annie" on Broadway is probably the best Annie (next to Andrea McCardle...the very first Annie) -- she has the NY accent down, her singing voice is great and she's tough as nails while still being an orphaned kid. Love her.


Sandy The Dog:  No doubt about it..Sandy would be played by the Pig who is now starring in the Geico commercials (Police Officer: "You know why I stopped you."  Pig "'Cause I'm a pig driving a convertible Beamer?" priceless (Or $500 or more than priceless).

Now on to Miss Hannigan: the only actress around today that could make this character complex and nuanced enough to make it be the role that it was meant to be is none other than the woman who can do gut-busting, spot-on impersonations of Paula Dea (notice there is no longer an "N" in her name...), Suze Orman ("I'm gonna say something that you probably thought I would never say -- and that's not I love the scent of a man!"), Penelope the One-Upper, the Target Lady, Kris Jenner and Kathy Lee Gifford KRISTEN WIIG.

Hilarious Skit With Kristen Wiig During Her Groundlings Days

There you have it -- let me know what you think.